your brand of crazy is so last season

bitches. i need to rant. i need a smoke and i need a drink and i need to vent. i have already closed my eyes and counted to ten but i'm still pretty irritated. when it comes to people i love i am fiercely loyal & sweet until sweet becomes being used... when they think i really don't understand that they are bending me over and reaming my ass hole... come on. i'm not as innocent and nieve as previously thought. i am exhausted losers. especially losers who make me hang out with losers. this makes me a loser by proxy. i am already borderline recluse. you are going to push me even deeper into my isolated cave. i prefer it there that starring in some ghettoo fab drama that is your current life. i'm not your mover. not your taxi. not your laundry mat. i'm your friend who would like to talk and actually have you listen to me. preferably not while you violently text the loser boyfriend who is (surprise fuckin surprise) treating you like shit and should win a silver medal for making you look desperate and pathetic. your last boyfriend still holds the gold. ok. sigh. end rant.

light fixture #2

great way to spruce up an inexpensive pendant lamp from IKEA is to simply add pieces of Felt — Kate from design*sponge thought of this idea and the end result is really quite amazing. She bought a few sheets of felt from a local craft store and cut them into small circles, found her old hot glue gun and started gluing away.


a few tips for my next chandelier shopping adventure

***********************************************************************


Choosing a Design

Before you dive into the process of creating your own chandelier, take a few minutes to decide what kind of look you really want.

* Where will you put the chandelier—in the living room, a child's room, or over the kitchen table?
* How much of a do-it-yourself person are you? Do you want to make the entire light fixture from scratch, or would you rather revamp an old chandelier?
* What kind of look do you like—eclectic, traditional, elegant, quirky?

Once you have an idea of the style of lighting you want to create, you can begin to make your own chandelier.
Recycling an Old Chandelier

The simplest way to create a chandelier is to take an old one and give it a new look. This can be as simple as giving it a new coat of paint and purchasing some new bulbs, or you can get a bit more creative with some of the following ideas:

* To change its shape, you can cover the chandelier with plaster-embedded gauze, then paint it whatever color you prefer.
* Simply changing out or adding mini lampshades can make a plain light fixture pop with color. Look around your room, and choose shades that match the rest of the décor.
* After painting or cleaning the chandelier, add embellishments. For an inexpensive decorating solution, purchase strings of Christmas beads, and drape them over the light's arms. You can also cut out sections of beads and hang them from each individual light so that they "drip" from the light.
* For a quirky and whimsical look that works great in a child's room, consider hanging toys from a brightly painted chandelier. Stick to a theme, like toy airplanes, small stuffed animals, dolls, moon and stars, aquatic animals, etc. Other ideas include tea cups, large crystals, colored balls, Christmas decorations, etc.

diy light fixtures and chandeliers

I think your readers will love this because they are into midcentury high end looks, but it's really challenging to find the disc chandeliers retail, (and they are outrageously expensive). Anyone can make their own disc chandelier on the cheap as a DIY project!

Jill Keto's instructions for the project:

* One horribly dated late 80’s chandelier frame from Goodwill, Craigslist, curbside, or dumpster. Make sure it is cylindrical in shape and has hooks going all the way around.
* 4″ diameter x 1/8″ thick lucite/aka plexiglass/aka plastic/aka acrylic glass discs, which can be found here. Buy, at a minimum, 2 discs for every hook on your chandelier frame. If you want to really fill it in, you should double that number and hang the rest off of the frame with invisible fishing line.
* Nail polish. The cheap, drugstore variety. SinfulColors is available for $1.99 per bottle, and the colors are luminous and have incredible depth. (Side note: nail enamel is one of the highest quality paints that exists, which makes it perfect for any DIY project where you need a permanent, glossy paint job on a smallish surface area). Auto paint is also awesome, but stick to slightly sparkly nail polish for this project. Have fun with the colors you choose. There are no limits.
* 20g stainless steel jump rings, about 1/2″ in diamter which you can buy or make yourself by wrapping wire around a tube of lip gloss (or anything else 1/2″ in diameter and cylindrical) into a coil, and cut the coil into individual circles (jump rings) with wire cutters.

my etsy ideas are as follows.
* side note * get craft book back from naomi on sat

1. record light switch covers. records were cut in half and then spaced a cd jewel case apart giving room for ten cds. makes for the perfect cd stacker
also
vintage record snack bowl looks tricky but doable

2. record sleeve luggage tags. * ask kevin if he will keep an eye out for empty sleeves for me.

3. find out how to melt records down to make bowels, pic frames, light switches, earings, necklaces, luggage tags

4. necklaces, braceletes & earings made from old computer keyboard keys and hair ties made with rubber bands and computer keys

5. make broaches, bibs, earings, out of misc jewelry, studs, beads, embroidery, old measuring tapes make cool flower pins (esp if the tape is vint),

6. bangles made from old knitting needles if you can figure how to melt them down

7. old cell phone keys can be used to make necklace or whatever

8. laminate strips of fabric with any kind of art, quotes, cut outs and so on to decorate. * also used for decoration are beads, buttons, charms, old earings, vint erotic post cards, anais nin quotes, erotica pics, quotes about all things that have to do with strong women, lovers, independence, whitty, classic literature quotesfrom classic erotica (story of o, a spy in the house of love, crazy cock, memoirs of a beatnik, henry and june etc
to make 2" thick cuffs attached by dainty hooks

9. beer can bracelette encased in sterling sil;ver

10. earings cut from vint, antique or just old tins with enamel surface. very cool.pretty little cheap tins are all over the place. look at the glamourai style of earings for inspiration

11. cassette tape belt buckle, get blank belt buckles and decorate with beads, cameos, fake spiders, bats, etc

12. put motorcycle zippers into vint beaded sweaters

11. broken skate deck belt buckle or tote bag

12. purse made out of old computer keyboard keys. very cute.

13. small purses aprox 4"x7" with the outside covered in perfectly folded candy wrappers.

14. laptop bag made out of recycled cardboard w. stenciled letter on it . leather straps

15. oversized computer bag made of vintage suit jackets!!! i love it.

16. vintage tie purse.

17. hand stitched and embroidered pleather wallet

18. old childrens books as well as vintage hard bound books turned unto sketch books and journals. just reline the inside of the book with great paper.

19. motherboard notebook, journal covers, and folders. possibly get a hold of other pieces and see if there isn't some jewelry potential. maybe computer chip bracelettes, earings. not having to actually match. computer key ring.

20. folded double thick and rough sewn to make a sturdy storage box.

21. old plastic membership cards can be melted down and using a pencil on the erasers end push the melting plastic out about 3/4" and manipulate the plastic up in a hook shape. let dry and then mount

22. 60's inspired printed hanger made from sundela board. keep eyes peeled at goodwill for hangers than can be either painted with room for possibly initials, stars, feathers, typewriter keys, locks, and also look for hangers that can be covered in scraps of pretty fabric and ribbon.

23.candy wrapper place mats, necklaces, bracelettes, coasters,

24. start color copying favorite photographs that consume a whole page in library books on anything and everything from travel, birds, edie sedgwick and her scene, old glam in hollywood, the depression, art anything of course, we can do one for specifically for girls, the other for guys. one photocopied we simply perforate the paper in 3 places so the end result is a letter neatly tucked up. stickered and sent off just the same size as a letter. wrap a pretty ribbon around the paper securing it along with the stickers.

25. motherboard coasters
26. one of a kind sculptures like a hen and a owl made entirely of trash. lots of metal cans it looks like. truly awesome.

27. barbie cluster shoe ring.\

28. cardboard is cut very thin. aprox 1/4" and is then formed to make a cylander lamp shade.

29. old and vintage boots each one hand painted and customized with gromets, studs, etc and then a light bulb is installed in the boot think of other lamp ideas that are off the wall.

30. bic chandeliers as well as recycling old mini blinds to make a killer light fixture

31. dog sweaters and t shirts made from scraps of fabrics.

32. decorate vintage pillow cases for a twin or king/queen.
33. old and outdated books are used to build a bookshelf.

34. paint portraits on the antique records. profile silouettes and outer detailing, use bright colors & possibly add beads, sequins etc to make it all the more gawdy.

35. album covers sketchbooks in sm and lg. gather old paperbacks, 60's and 70's trashy covers are wonderful, look for vintage books in hard or soft back but pref hard. look also for kids books, learning books about birds, hymnals i guess work just fine. research around and find out who has the cheapest and best selection of used books. rock bios would be great too. anything that smells like time. if it has the soft layer of dust, it should smells distinctly like what i always thought loneliness smelled like.


empty perfume and nail polish bottles
vintage scarves crafts and fashions

i should have written sooner

i should have written sooner. i have been anxious to get my life put back together but am still in limbo with my disability verdict. they told me it shouldn't be later than february so i am really pretty sure i will know what they decided within a few weeks. i'm just wishin and hoping and thinking and prayin...
my mom and i went down to the university district's anthropologie on sunday after church. our excuse for driving out there was actually so we could find naomi's baby shower gift at the land of nod a few doors down. my mom was an anthropologie virgin up until sunday. the truth is i grew out of the rock n roll look. i feel silly in band hoodies, shredded denim, mini dresses, mini skirts, holey and snagged tights amd fishnets, motorcycle boots and jacket..etc.. my vintage rolling stones t shirt i bought for $60 at the flea market and then the cure's disintegration tour t shirt i sleep in every night. i am not ready to part with those items quite yet. i hope i keep them in an old musty trunk so i can pull it out to show my grand kids that their grandma always did love the rock n roll. anyway. so i have been in this strange clothing transition from rock to anthropologie. letting go of that image is for me a sort of starting over.
my starting over also includes finding new loves, new passions and so on. It also includes having a relationship with my Heavenly Father.I have started keeping a prayer journal in which i write my letters to Jesus and i imagine he really was my actual dad. i try to talk to him like i know what fathers and daughters talk about. it was difficult for me to understand how God wants his people to treat him. I know that i feel comfortable enough to break down in anger, grief, frusteration, misery, pain begging for the depression to go away. the body pain that is relentless, exhausting, losing out on life and being stuck in the house for most days out of the month. i am very comfortable with talking to Jesus about the breaks and broken parts of me. I lay my burdens at his feet. I listen to old kids praise songs because some times it really is comforting to love Jesus and praise Him as simply and as truly as i did when i was a child. Maybe if i had a healthy relationship with my dad, if i knew the way fathers and daughters are supposed to act. if i go back to the memories of my childhood with my dad i can remember loving the time we spent together. Maybe then i wouldn't find the relationship with God as our father so baffling. i wonder sometimes if i am trying my best to show my dad how much i love him and want to know him. it's easy for me to get bitter quickly if i dwell and so i refuse to dwell. But drawing close to Jesus and having God scrub my heart clean along with getting the depressive, opressive weighty spirits are no longer hanging on me and have been sent on their way...
So my days begin with a happiness in my heart, joy and light in my eyes. I am discovering how to love Him, fear Him and understand while trusting in Him. The bible says that God has a plan for my life. a plan to give me a future and a hope. i am His beloved. He has called me chosen for His kingdom and he loves me as I am.. i still have my struggles and i fail daily but i know that everyone has their own brand of crazy. I'm not alone and with Satan becoming so real, real enough to feel his cold breath on my neck it has made Jesus all the more real. i know angels are encamped around me and i am safe. they cannot hurt me. i have victory in Christ. He is my protection. my prayer daily is psalm 91 and the truth is, i have honestly been turning to those verses in that chapter for as long as i have been afraid of the dark. I am not afraid any longer. I really would love to find a place where i would be liked and i would be helpful and then volunteer my time there. i need to give back to the community. so im saying that goes on the list of things i'm planning on getting started today.
the list is going to go something like this

post ad on craigslist for sewing notions, fabric and so on.

look at job opportunities on craigslist.

update my resume

take compass test

try to find out if i can post on etsy with a simple visa cash card

keep on deconstructing, reassembling, tailoring, altering and trying to make pretty clothes out of recycled old clothing.

raid the clothing bins, dumpster dive at thrift stores and keep your eye our for free clothing that wont fit into the clothing recycle. try to come up with ways of cutting cost. get a tagging gun! keep reciepts, coupons and so on in purse so as to always have them when out shopping. talk rhaychell into driving to montana for a thrift store run. consider getting enough stuff together to have a booth at one of the flea markets.

make a list of etsys hottest sellers, look through and find ideas for crafting. i am 100% capable of making money on etsy from home. i just need to find my nitch and start pumping stuff out.

look around for an empty old 3 ring binder. start keeping track of only etsy ideas, inspiration, craft instructions and so on. also, keep thrift and craft store calanders in binder so as to know when the best sales are.

hand paint a few patches to see it it could be a totally beautiful idea or totally crappy. try to make a list of patches, do web research and find pretty hand painted stuff.

make it a point to go over to the west seattle antique mall and backstage thrift. also, go to the bins, hit up the bothell thrift store, look around for estate sales and flea markets

make a pair of anthropologie inspired short pants similar to the ones below..

xo c i a o

modified cute short sleeve vintage sweatshirts with pintucks, pleats, patches.etc. * modified white t-s with puff sleeves * look up tips for sewing lingerie and make a notebook devoted only to what is learned. * more tea plates with new words * hand embroidered birds, anchors, quotes, flowers etc on everything from slips, panties and sweaters * always keep eyes out at thrift stores for dresses that have great potential for reconstruction or embelishment that will turn them into one of a kind must haves * pay attention to what is going on in the world of fashion and blogs by keeping a list of blogs that are kept up om every couple of days * go to the antique malls, flea markets, and private screening when you can to get some inspiration as well as some enexpensive sewing notions. bring the camera and snap pictures of things that you want to replicate * take time as often as daily to learn a sewing step that is hard. do it until it is mastered. (i.e button holes, zippers, etc) * look online for cheap patches, ribbon, lace, fabrics etc * spend more time on hand painting patches because i thought it would be really beautiful to put them on pillow cases sewn on by embroidery thread and then thick silk ribbpon & lace or fur at the end * pillow cases in general are a neat idea to play with and it seems most people forget about them * look on the internet for rare sewing notions that will set my items apart from others. for example, rhaychell brought over these hand crochetted collars and cuffs that were something like 50 years old! and they were lovelier that any lace collar one could find today. i took a simple little black forever 21 dress and added this huge amazing collar and sweet little 2" nearly matching cuffs. it is better than buiying a new dress this way * learn how to construct items perfectly as well as knowing the order in which items must be sewn. * iron on transfers * i love quotes. i love quotes by classic poets. i love words so much that i think they not only belong in book (cute t-shirt: bookworm) but i think they also belong on clothing as a way of defining ourselves even more than we already do * learn to sew with feathers * make journals out of vintage childrens books * learn how to do basic hand beading, sequins, and studding to give clothes an eveen better one of a kind look * use embroidery to write things on the butt of the lingerie. maybe iron on transfer erotica quotes too * paint patches that would other wise be plain. * paint on the fabric to create your own pattern or simply just one picture. also, sequins and beads are a nice litte touch to hand painted things * sew designs onto clothes like bonnie and clyde did * otrich, peacock and indian feathers are glorious and should be used a lot more than they are * totally reconstruct old sweaters! this is seattle so it makes sense that people would invest in something that can be worn constantly while making them the cool person who is wearing something everyone else is noticing and wanting.

*********Reconstructed and Embellished Sweaters *****************

sequins * beading * patches * chains * broaches * patches * lace * hand sewn ruffles * ribbon * tassles * fur * panels * zippers in sleeves * puff sleeves * short sleeves * pin tucks * pleats * buttons * Hoods! * embroider words, stars or use it to highlight something * install large bib type of necklace as a collar * decorative sewing * use vintage scarves as lining in the sweaters that are turned into cardigans * patches * add victorian collars and cuffs * use dainty little eye and hooks for the thinner sweaters * cut out large anchor patch out of navy fabric and embelish with military buttons on cuffs and front * i love the idea of creating a button on panel on the front of cardigans * turn the shoulder of the sweater into the militairy look by adding the stripe and brass button * learn how to install a sort of simple bustle in the back a sweater. it would be really beautiful if donw in very very light weight fabric and only a few extra layers * learn how to install a similar panel in sleeve and cuff. it would hopefully give off a very elegant victorian cuff * sew a black bat cut out patch on the back of a sweater. sew a pink heart onto his body. use beads, sequins, paint and embroidery floss to embellish. use large black ruffle on the cuff and stitch the word "batty" somewhere cute and small * Embellish cuffs, collars and hoods quite elaboratly. it seems to set the garment far far apart from others and people are usually drawn to the extra bit of drama * don't be afraid of adding charms that actually go with a sweaters theme and beads, sequins, ribbon and lace are being used.* use beautiful brocades for the panels. i can't think of how to descibe them right now but it would be like if i cut out a piece of the cuff and installed the brocade there instead. just love love love that * don't be afraid to use cameos as well when doing the more victorian sweaters * possibly use the trypewriter keys from the market as button decoration * use tea dyes for laces and ribbon if it is lacking in color. i really love how subtle that always looks * i love the idea of turning a pull over into a zip up or turning a button up cardigan into a zip up. it's a fun surprise and it seems that by adding motorcycle zippers the look becomes a little more tough * i really want to lean how to tailor a sweater perfectly so as to flatter a womans body perfectly. most sweaters are pretty boxy but i want mine to be very fitted to every curve while making it very very fem * add pockets from other things or create them from an interesting and ornate fabric * don't be afraid of color! pay attention to color combos that are appealing and in that season. while the classic black, gray, and white is always good it's not as much fun as color! * try to think of something that is your signature and is a part of every item. it would be cool to maybe have something on the inside wrist of each sweater or maybe something like raggedy and andy's heart on their torso * somehow maybe get my idea of a little wire hanger on the inside of the neck. i always loved that * do some chunky beading down the front and on the cuffs of sweaters. maybe even sort of falling down the front along the zipper or buttons * maybe make themed collections as i go such as: paris, mexican folklore * victorian * militairy * birds * morose things like bats, coffins, spiders * tombstones * maybe put together a few in honor of female singers that are wonderful role models like cat power, joni mitchell. tori amos and billie holiday * oh and the 1960's * okay i have to start a new post because tbis is getting to be insane and taking on a life of its own.
xoxo

list, laws and lingerie

my depression has been more painful. i've been the loneliest girl. i feel as if every day is a funeral for my hopes and dreams. i made a choice to get high and it was the worst choice. i regretted it after some time but i also wanted so badly for the good feeling to stay. i don't want to go back to all of the misery i parade around in day after day. in my heart i know that i want more than anything to live my life in a way that honors God. In my heart i want to create my art, fashion and writing as my sort of worship. in my heart i have no doubt that he is indeed My Loving Heavenly Father but i am in a place right now that has me feeling forsaken. I make poor choices as a result of my broken pieces. i think it will be worth it to suffer the consequences. i can talk myself into using from time to time as i see it as my alcohol. in my head i just tell myself that it is my little treat but come on, who am i kidding? i want my heart to feel clean and new. i want it to crave quiet times that bring me closer to God. i want to have a conscience that warns me when danger or even toxic people are near. i think i know how to pull myself out of depression and all i can do is follow that little "get back into emotional shape* work out. it's 1:33 am so when i wake up in the morning i will begin.
i am going to make the list here and i will be sure and write every day about where i am as that is a part of the plan.

1. give every day to the Lord. Admitting that out Him I would be doing this alone but because He is with me I can do all things. Have a quiet time and prayer time. write down all of the thoughts, ideas, emotions, and struggles that are weighing you down.

2. get cleaned up, dressed and tidy the bedroom. even if you don't feel like taking the time it always helps.

3. help mom with the cleaning. i always think of charity church mouse singing make me a servant. i love helping my mom around the house and i know it means a lot to her. it also gives me a purpose of sorts.

4 GO FOR A WALK ! i have to say that this is the most important part for me. along with spending time in the word of God. these are the 2 things i cannot skip. if i skip them it will be hell to pay and nothing will work. try to go with Naomi as muchg as possible. it is wonderful to have encouragment and be able to talk baout my faith and have her give me so much encouragment. she just really blesses me. i am going to also dole out my vitamins to takre dail. that always helps too esp the vitamin D and fish oil.

5.last but not least i am going to give something new a try. Naomi encouraged me to set time aside every day to work on my art and the things i want to sell on etsey. i get very upset when i think about how behind i am in schooling and careers but i think that pratice makes perfect and itis never too late to learn something new. i personally want to learn to sew exceptionally well. i want to be able to make tons of anthropologie type clothes, beautiful, exquisite and expensive lingerie. i said to my friend jesse that i want to master lingerie. i want to know everything about it, i want to know how every piece is constructed and i want to know how to fit it to women perfectly. i want to have a lingerie line that takes over the world. i will start with seattle. i think it would be a career that would have me doing something i love and that i am passionate about. it would be something that is owrshiping God as i do it. i don't want it to be trashy or porn like in any way. i want it to be elegant, tasteful and celebrates our hips. our curves. the parts of us we should be applauding. alright love. that is about it for this post. i try to separate my ideas by posts. it i similar to not wanting your food to touch on your plate. xoxo

some of the things i love today

hand embroidered bloomers * learn decorative stitching (i.e pin stitch, ruffles, pleats) * use the studs on something, some of them are cute! * Take a seam ripper to that super expensive pair of panties so you can create some of the agent p styles * find a brand new way to re vamp the v neck white t * look for cheap notions online as well as hand crochetted lace and collars * rather than using cotton, ts and lace for etsy (that is what rhaychells are) go with more antiqued 1920's, 30's and 40's style garters and agent undies. * paint old english patches & use on redone sweaters * learn excellent finishing techniques * little brass buttons * learn to sew w feathers

i had the best dream the other morning. i had a dream i was harboring a criminal who was also my lover who was also ben wishaw. funny how one can wake up from a dream and feel as if you have actually gone ahead and had this real tryst, frienship and love affair in real life. as if you really were that lucky after all. sigh. lovely dream. here is the object of my dreaming hearts affection.



i love his timid, intelligent aura. gay. straight. bi. i adore this man.