list, laws and lingerie

my depression has been more painful. i've been the loneliest girl. i feel as if every day is a funeral for my hopes and dreams. i made a choice to get high and it was the worst choice. i regretted it after some time but i also wanted so badly for the good feeling to stay. i don't want to go back to all of the misery i parade around in day after day. in my heart i know that i want more than anything to live my life in a way that honors God. In my heart i want to create my art, fashion and writing as my sort of worship. in my heart i have no doubt that he is indeed My Loving Heavenly Father but i am in a place right now that has me feeling forsaken. I make poor choices as a result of my broken pieces. i think it will be worth it to suffer the consequences. i can talk myself into using from time to time as i see it as my alcohol. in my head i just tell myself that it is my little treat but come on, who am i kidding? i want my heart to feel clean and new. i want it to crave quiet times that bring me closer to God. i want to have a conscience that warns me when danger or even toxic people are near. i think i know how to pull myself out of depression and all i can do is follow that little "get back into emotional shape* work out. it's 1:33 am so when i wake up in the morning i will begin.
i am going to make the list here and i will be sure and write every day about where i am as that is a part of the plan.

1. give every day to the Lord. Admitting that out Him I would be doing this alone but because He is with me I can do all things. Have a quiet time and prayer time. write down all of the thoughts, ideas, emotions, and struggles that are weighing you down.

2. get cleaned up, dressed and tidy the bedroom. even if you don't feel like taking the time it always helps.

3. help mom with the cleaning. i always think of charity church mouse singing make me a servant. i love helping my mom around the house and i know it means a lot to her. it also gives me a purpose of sorts.

4 GO FOR A WALK ! i have to say that this is the most important part for me. along with spending time in the word of God. these are the 2 things i cannot skip. if i skip them it will be hell to pay and nothing will work. try to go with Naomi as muchg as possible. it is wonderful to have encouragment and be able to talk baout my faith and have her give me so much encouragment. she just really blesses me. i am going to also dole out my vitamins to takre dail. that always helps too esp the vitamin D and fish oil.

5.last but not least i am going to give something new a try. Naomi encouraged me to set time aside every day to work on my art and the things i want to sell on etsey. i get very upset when i think about how behind i am in schooling and careers but i think that pratice makes perfect and itis never too late to learn something new. i personally want to learn to sew exceptionally well. i want to be able to make tons of anthropologie type clothes, beautiful, exquisite and expensive lingerie. i said to my friend jesse that i want to master lingerie. i want to know everything about it, i want to know how every piece is constructed and i want to know how to fit it to women perfectly. i want to have a lingerie line that takes over the world. i will start with seattle. i think it would be a career that would have me doing something i love and that i am passionate about. it would be something that is owrshiping God as i do it. i don't want it to be trashy or porn like in any way. i want it to be elegant, tasteful and celebrates our hips. our curves. the parts of us we should be applauding. alright love. that is about it for this post. i try to separate my ideas by posts. it i similar to not wanting your food to touch on your plate. xoxo