tying your shoes was always so cool

sometimes i am sorry that life happened the way it did when i met him. i have always said that he was my favorite boyfriend. i admired him more than even the ex husband who in reality wasn't someone i can say i ever admired. it was more sympathy and pity i felt for the ex husband.
i thought my life would be full of people who just "got" me the way casy did. sadly no one has. it was all the little things with casy. it was mix tapes. afternoons getting drunk and playing human cannon ball. this obviously led to awesome make-out sessions which in turn led to the best sex i have ever had. still to this day. we were totally broke all of the time and we lived off white rice and stolen sauces. it was never beneath us to steal as many plastic hoisen sauce bottles from the teriyaki joints we frequented. as well as condiments such as ketsup. he sent me a care package when i was in maui with vel. it was licorice, photobooth pics and love letters. we loved jawbreaker, gummies, asian grocery stores, thrifting, typewriters, wes anderson flicks, kevin smith quotes, waxwing, $2 beer night at the hurricane, christian punk bands with whom we were raised. casy took the longest to get over. he just punched his AWKWARD fist through my life. when he said he was awkward it was the truest thing he could of said. everything about us was a total john hughes film. there were a lot of memories i never forgot. most of the men in my life have been forgetable. they have dressed a certain way, acted a certain way all in a lame attempt to play the seattle boy part but casy was always just casy. very much his own being. never ever imitating others. i admire that. obviously. even when we battled our own depression in seattle it was never angsty or pity parties but rather it was just hunkering down with one another and sleeping all day. there was a lot of whiskey talking and record playing. i was still young and playing on my own. i wanted my freedom and i pushed him out. we are still friendly.... from a distance. he lives in san francisco these days. he plays shows in seattle but i haven't made it to one yet. i'm a little afraid of seeing him. i'm afraid i will be sad when he goes.