ashes to ashes we all fall down

beside me right now is my over sized black journal volume 4. it smells like glue, ink and inexpensive crayola paint. it looks like inspiration to me. it is full of flighty thoughts i have collected as they came to me. my journals have evolved into giant love letters to fashion, art and literature. what i love most about keeping journals this way is the ability to keep it with me always so that i can add to it as soon as inspiration strikes. everyone is twittering, facebooking and myspacing these days but i have given up on the idea of social networking. i don't want my corner of the world to be exposed in such an open vulnerable sort of way. however, i find comfort in the idea of keeping a blog for the year of 2010 as a sort of test. i want to see if i can't find my way back to being a writer. not just a paster and painter of my beloved inspirations and fashions. the other day i had that sort of epiphany where the world suddenly seems cheery and full of wonderful things for me to claim as my own. the world is my oyster. despite the setbacks i want to be the girl who always lands on her feet. i want to be the girl who lives a life so here is to the fast approaching new year. here is to another fresh start and a finally here is to my stubborn and determined jump towards the life i want most. with my chin up and eyes ahead. with the most precious moments of my life being the ones where i was neither drunk nor drugged. i still feel fragile and vulnerable. i don't feel like i could put myself in a situation where those things are readily available so i stay away. maybe this is the year i actually get back out in the land of the living. xo